remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
