I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
