super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
