dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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