so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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