your room smells of hookers.
And success
Soap is not a condiment
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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