I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
