Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
