Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
