I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We talked him into tasing himself.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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