If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
