I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
