i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
