She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
