just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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