somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I use my feet as sexual weapons
do nipples grow back?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
