Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
