Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
