Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
