she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
