getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
