Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
