I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
