You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
