i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
