I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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