New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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