I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
