I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
