I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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