Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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