Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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