Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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