maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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