She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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