Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
