On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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