I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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