you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
