I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
