Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
