K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
