you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
