saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
