he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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