Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
