did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
