If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
