"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
