I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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