i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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