OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
