Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
someone owes me an orgasm
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Are we still banned from the library?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
