I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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