Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
