I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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