i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
